There is a kernel of shame embedded in the act of being visibly alone in places where people go to socialize and have a good time.

source

a picture

wobbly

h

there’s so much pain all around

we become attached to things and people in a way we shouldn’t 

i understand better now that we should let go

trying to understand why or why not is pointless 

it’s all a lie

and we’re blindsided

we don’t know the real motives of people and, moreover, we sometimes don’t understand our own

i don’t trust people 

or facts

or outcomes anymore

however, i’m learning to trust myselfor to trust the constantly changing pieces within me

i’m realizing more and more these days that i want to prioritize my desire to be honest in my relationships with others

i don’t want to waste time, and i don’t want to waste other people’s times

there’s something simple for me when it comes to all of this: or i feel it, or i don’t 

it goes beyond what i can explain now

i think it puts me in a position where i ought to be more sensible and be aware of other people’s emotions while trying to figure out my own

what i get from this year is this: there’s pain and there’s abandonment (both your doing and something done to you) and there’s time invested on nothing while thinking is for something

i think it’s about becoming an observer and simply not doing, but being

more and more everyday

observing yourself and others

and rather than walking on concrete

seeing if there’s a path surrounded by oak trees

something like that

i don’t know, honestly

i only know i don’t want to actively participate

don’t feel like playing once you might have figured out how the game works

don’t get me wrong

i still want to experience life

and the sensual pleasures it offers

but there’s a bitter taste these days that i had not really tried before

it asks me to not be so open to all the wrong that is out there as well as the wrong that i could provoke

in the end, it’s a mourning time 

i think a side of me died 

and there’s only silence now

h

si la mente está corrompida, infectará el cuerpo.

el arte es la prueba del contenido espiritual de la vida cotidiana

sin ti, yo no existo

el exterior divorciado de toda iluminación del interior se enc

Los Leo nacidos cuando el sol estaba en la cúspide Leo/Virgo son extrovertidos que aprenden a ser introvertidos. Combinan los rasgos más llamativos Leo con las cualidades prácticas, reservadas y terrenales de Virgo.

Ellos tienden a:

Vacilar entre ser sociables y ser silenciosos y observadores
Ser simpáticos porque a pesar de su apariencia llamativa, tienen un aire de modestia que los hace parecer accesibles.
Ser observadores y creativos
Ser socavados por períodos de dudas y a veces neuróticos.
Ser tercos, contundentes, peleoneros y perfeccionistas

source

j

g

fake knews

i don’t like being surrounded by people

i start acting out and i stop being

and when i get drunk i go all out

i would like to be on mute

for like fivever

things are already hard enough to understand

for me to keep messing things up

i decide now to be in control

and when not possible

to shut myself down

shut your mouth, ma boy

"you know, the only way to have something for infinite time is by losing it"

"i had forgotten that it is not possible to lose someone, that all people are alone anyway"

-why are you crying?

-i don't know

-

you can't fall in love with someone from outside. If you fall in love, you will become truly alone.

-

why does time keep marching on?

-

liar

-

everybody dies in the end. That day will come for you, like everyone else.

-

do people have to die?

-

i don't want to be alone

-

you taught me. so much sadness... so much kindness... pain... and strength.

-

forget about me!

source: maquia (trailer)

here's a humbling lesson:
i was not as important as i thought to someone

and i realized that at this point of my life i haven't really let people in
and i have disappointed people as well

and i think about my mom and how alone she feels
and that sucks

but i've realized i can only be there for me
or lose myself to others

to live is to survive unfair choices

everything is a lie
catch the wave, ma friend
and start being true to yourself
that's it
(whatever the fuck it is)

integra

r todas tus partes

i had made this weird, silly commitment to myself that i was only going to say i love you to a person when i knew i could follow up on it; i want to mean it when i say it

(...)

whatever i'm angry at isn't really his fault, but it's hard to let go of anger in those moments because what i'd do is i'd go out in the world and give my best to everyone else and then come home and be exhausted and if something's gone wrong on my day i'll take it out on him

source

it made me want to be prettier, and hear people say that I'm pretty

At the age of around 28 and a half, your soul ´s journey has reached a point in its evolution of awareness where a process begins of taking a step back, slowing down, and then entering a stage of deep reflection on the nature of your life. Because the natural process of refection requires the need to go within, a natural process  of becoming more introverted takes place. I really want to emphasize the point that this is an intrinsic part of how consciousness works in human form.
-
What is happening in a broad sense is this… Before we reach our 28th year, we spend our lives experiencing and developing our  ideas about life; our identity. We can call this the ego. When the Saturn Return comes along, we slow down and reflect. Upon reflection, the ego that we had before then starts to break down and we often change our perspective on, and approach to, life. We go through a period of ego transformation and conscious reality shift. We see ourselves in a renewed context. What results  sometimes entails a change in direction, and sometimes a conscious solidifying of the direction we are  already on.
-
As I mentioned above the cycle of Saturn in our lives reflects maturation. What happens is that we “trade” beauty and youth for wisdom and maturity. This trade is this the essentially deal with Saturn.
-
At the age of 7 we experience our first Saturn cycle point, or aspect. We become awake to our own mortality and our physical limitations. This is our first maturing step.

Around  the age of 14 we have the beginning of our need for independent social interaction. We leave behind the dolls and little kid’s games and we start the business of becoming little adults, and also exploring our bodies. This is an important aspect of our development.

At around 21, our Saturn cycle is about throwing off the last 21 years of household parental rules. We move from home and we begin our journey towards independence.

With a 29 year orbit, the planet Saturn returns to  its original sign in our birth chart between the age of 28 to 30 years, taking  over  2 years to move completely through each sign. This period of time, as Saturn transits its natural sign, is the “Saturn Return”.

At Saturn returns to its natural point  in your birth chart, all the karmic lessons you went through during the ages of 7, 14, and 21 now get stacked on top of each other and you are asked to grow and mature. You become aware of your age, and that you are now getting older. So it’s time to act. Dramatic change is often the result.
-
As we learn to walk this earth incarnation we are given specific tools at key points in our evolutionary journey that help us find the remembrance we came to discover. When we are faced with our Saturn cycle, the task might appear daunting and will require self-determination but what comes from this is great reward. The foundation  that is built during the Saturn Return cycle supports us to  start living our new evolutionary purpose. Old forms are removed and we find new ways of being. We take charge of our lives and begin to make conscious decisions for our future.

source

--------

(Cosmic fact: Saturn is cycling through its home sign of Capricorn from December 19, 2017 to March 21, 2020.)

During the Saturn return—which lasts 2.5 to 3 years (see the tables below)—you will come face to face with your own blocks and be forced to push through them. All the “mistakes” you made in the nearly three decades leading up to this seem to crystallize. Rather than repeating them on autopilot, you have a chance to turn lemons into lemonade. And if you refuse to heed those lessons, Saturn will bring a drill sergeant style smackdown. Indeed, the Saturn return starts off feeling a bit like boot camp for a lot of people. But drop and give him twenty instead of rebelling against those barking orders.  Three years later, you’ll be General Awesome or Captain Fantastic of your own kick-ass army—at the very least, you’ll be decorated with a star or two.

source

seré más pluton

La gente que tiene Plutón en Escorpio lo mantiene todo cerca de ellos, lo que significa que no dejan ver lo que están pensando o sintiendo. Ni siquiera les gusta hablar de su pasado, ya que puede permitir que otros tengan algún poder o control sobre ellos.



(...$
esto ya lo experimento;
Es mejor no ir contra Plutón en Escorpio, porque se toman cada pequeña ofensa personalmente. Debido a que sienten todo tan profundamente, no les cuesta mucho creer que han sido despreciados. Y una vez que estás en su lado malo, es extremadamente difícil volver a estar en su lado bueno. Esto se refleja en tu personalidad de Plutón.



Son el signo más intenso del zodíaco. Esto significa que su reacción es más fuerte que la ofensa misma. Y como tienden a tener pensamientos más oscuros y una visión más pesimista de la vida, es difícil para ellos volver a un punto de vista más claro.



y de esto puede que me esté dando cuenta ahora:



Su conexión con su círculo social trae el mayor crecimiento y felicidad, ya que su necesidad de compañía es tan intensa como ellos. Es sólo en el dormitorio con su amante más confiable donde derriban sus paredes y dejan que su verdadero yo brille. El sexo es la experiencia más profunda para ellos.



—

Escorpión es un signo magnético, atrae y se siente atraído hacia los demás, en especial el sexo opuesto. Esta atracción es un impulso animal debido a la acción de Marte y en la mayor parte de las ocasiones se presenta como actividad sexual. Esto, sin dejar de ser cierto en muchos casos, representa un error interpretativo comunmente aceptado, puesto que lo que Escorpión busca en realidad es conocer la reacción de los demás a la emoción, a la amistad y al amor. Por ello busca su complemento, el espejo donde pueda verse reflejado, donde pueda conocerse, sabe que sólo el calor del afecto de los demás puede fundir su hielo. Es decir, quiere desvelar su secreto, y tan secreto es para él como para los demás. Su ansia es calmar la tormenta emocional interna, vivir en paz consigo mismo y con los demás, y para eso sabe o intuye que le hace falta una total integración con la categoría de valores representada por la otra persona. Es un proceso que sólo puede desarrollarse en la intimidad de lo personal y de lo privado.

En definitiva, busca conocerse como individuo, y esto es importante, pues la estancia de Plutón en Escorpión brinda la gran oportunidad de la integración de todas las personas, países y razas, en base al respeto a la individualidad de cada uno.

Plutón en escorpión ha de desvelar el secreto, rasgar los velos de la separitividad, cuando individualmente nos demos cuenta de que lo único que nos separa de los demás es un yo social, una imagen construida con conceptos aceptados sin cuestionarlos previamente, y que a un nivel más profundo todos somos iguales, células de un mismo planeta, trabajando para un mismo fin, estaremos en disposición de sentar las bases de la utopía acuariana.

Plutón ofrece en este período la oportunidad de conseguir la comunión, la gran comunidad, con todos los demás seres humanos, o incluso superhumanos, y el precio es la muerte de nuestros pequeños yoes.
—
Cuando Escorpio marca tu vida, has de acostumbrarte al cambio continuo y aprender el desapego, en especial en los 7 niveles previos (los signos de Aries a Libra por casas).
Escorpio exige que aprendas el desapego de las formas, y se refiere no sólo al dinero compartido, al sexo o al poder, sino y en especial, desapego de todo aquello con lo que te identificas, en definitiva, del Ego. Escorpio te dice que ha llegado el momento de madurar el Ego para aprender a dar generosamente, desde los talentos de nuestra Luna. Dar sin esperar recibir... Y he aquí la gran prueba de nuestro Ego que se cree finito, que teme dar porque teme morir. En Tauro, el signo opuesto, aprendemos a materializar en este mundo tridimensional al enfocar la energía de Aries y condensar la forma. Ahora Escorpio nos exige comprender profundamente la naturaleza del deseo. Desear es querer acumular energía, y esto lo hacemos con aquellas cosas que la simbolizan, como el dinero, las emociones, las posesiones, el poder,... Pero si acumulamos energía, ésta se estanca, se bloquea, provocando dolor, enfermedades, falta de vitalidad e incluso la muerte física.
Por eso a Escorpio le toca aprender en profundidad la naturaleza del deseo, y la única manera es a través de la experiencia y nuestras vivencias deseantes. El dolor, el desgarro, provocado por las resistencia al cambio, a que las cosas sean como son,  es la forma que Escorpio tiene de enseñarnos a integrar ambos lados de las polaridades que componen nuestra psique. El Ego inmaduro desea controlar porque tiene miedo a morir, y se resiste al cambio con todas sus fuerzas. Es como si no se fiase de que si sueltas todo control encontrarás la libertad. Así que la vida dice, "vale, yo te muestro que no pasa nada, que existes aún si lo pierdes todo". 

Así, gracias a la energía de Escorpio soltamos el control, lo que nos permite integrar las polaridades de las experiencias que nos tironean, reconociendo que en realidad todo lo externo es interno. Todo lo que experimento, todo lo que vivo, soy yo. La vida no me ataca, sino que es mi miedo a hacerme con toda la vitalidad de la energía que se mueve a través de mí, con toda su potencia. Tenemos miedo a nuestra propia grandeza, y ello es lo que nos hace refugiarnos, escondernos, temerosos de aquello que nos puede aniquilar. Escorpio nos enseña a integrar las polaridades, aquello que proyectamos fuera con aquello que sí reconocemos, comprendiendo a través de la síntesis (Sagitario, el noveno signo) quiénes somos realmente.

Así, Escorpio profundiza más y más en el mundo de las emociones , de la vida, de la muerte y de la energía, y está en su haber el regalo del entendimiento de la magia.
Sin embargo, popularmente, se asocian estos dotes del octavo signo con poderes oscuros, o puede que más luminosos, que brindan la habilidad para manejarse y manejar en el astral. Magos, brujas, chamanes, son conocedores de estos secretos. Muchos incluso hoy en día desean poseer esas habilidades... Sin embargo, desear y poseer son precisamente las dos cosas de las que hay que desapegarse... Entonces, ¿cómo funciona la magia? La negra, poseyendo y dirigiendo, pero termina en destrucción. La blanca, rindiéndose a algo mayor que uno, algo universal, y limitándose a ser un vehículo de la energía del Universo. Y para esto, el Ego ha de ser maduro... l regente de Escorpio es Plutón, un planeta enano con un  gran corazón sobre su superficie. El mundo helado de Plutón es Rosa. Su nombre fue otorgado por una niña de 5 años a quien le encantaban los dibujos y personajes de Walt Disney, y desde luego no conocía nada de la mitología romana. Pero como nunca hay casualidades, el nombre le viene como anillo al dedo a este planeta cuyo nombre mitológico es el del dios de los infiernos, ya que su descubrimiento coincidió con la invención de la bomba atómica por fusión nuclear. Y es precisamente la fusión, la integración de la personalidad, lo que se logra con la energía de amar.

Conforme evolucionamos espiritualmente, los arquetipos cambian. El descubrimiento de nuevos cuerpos celestes , o el mayor conocimiento sobre otros ya conocidos, coincide con nuestra apertura. Hasta ahora Plutón era considerado un planeta maligno y oscuro, pero en realidad nos revela el rosado secreto del amor, no entendido éste como sentimiento romántico, sino como la alineación con nuestra verdadera esencia. Caronte nos lleva a él, sólo si hemos “dado muerte” a nuestro Ego inmaduro y trascendido las formas viejas, obsoletas de nuestro Yo. sí pues, Plutón y Escorpio nos invitan a descubrir quiénes somos realmente, sin dejar fuera ningún trocito. Nos enseñan que mediante el desapego somos capaces de dar ilimitadamente desde lo mejor de nosotros, haciendo fluir la energía de la vida. Nos muestran que desde la energía de amar tenemos enfrente un campo de múltiples posibilidades para crear lo que queremos.

if

fear bentonn,

i need quiet

i need to actively be passive

i’ve decided that today, although it had been growing for some weeks now

i guess in my core or on what i’ve been used to doing all my life there’s a need to please people

and so i please them and i lose myself in the process

at least in the way that i do it because truth is 89 of the time i’m not being honest 

i’m not paying attention

my mind is wandering while they are talking or i’m just agreeing with them or whatever or i’m performing because i’m more interested or my senses are more focused on something that is going on around than on them

and so

i accept i have that need to please people 

but i also accept that i want to be a better me

and i want to pay respect to people by being honest and fully with them

that starts by selecting who i consider a people that i should please

another important aspect is to stop pouring myself in most conversations

i feel like i regret most of the things that come out of my mouth because they’re either a lie or some convenient truth told to fit in the moment or they don’t make justice to what i really want to say

more often than not, my words betray what i truly feel or believe in

and so i need to practice silence

i’m doing it these days

i’m trying

yes,

it’s about practising

ego is there

wanting to talk and prove my value

or wanting to be noticed

but it’s like no

my worth should start originating within me, not outside

silence

being like water and not so rigid in my principles and what i’m used to doing (like being an entitled pedastrian) helps 

i need to be a lake

or the ocean

but not the boat that is at the mercy of the big blue

loco power starts within

and its more powerful element is silence

hey, i think

h

hh

lv

f

who cares

f

f

Gina Menard
4 years ago
"Anybody can be your soul mate" that's right. For me, all the relationships I have been in have been with my soul mates. I was married 20 years (Venus in Pisces) and he was my soul mate, as well as my last 2 relationships.

(venus in 12th house)

this is interesting but also
hum
gotta feel it right?
the feelings

source

dear bentonn,

today i've realized that my self-esteem is
down here
and that's what make my moods flood and fop

i think it stems from my physical appearance and how, for so long, i've believed i was ugly and i had to show my best bits and try to hide what i thought or was told that was horrible
and when i haven't been able to i've felt exposed and therefore awkward

beauty is something important for me

and since i stopped seeing it in myself, i look for validation outside
or i see how other people that i consider beautiful are complimented on that
and i compare myself
and no good
it's also a bit of ego
like i want to be complimented and be the very best
like chill

i'm an insecure-secure

on the other hand, it has effected me in the way i interact with people
i've noticed that in a group, when i'm talking, more often than not
people don't pay me a lot of attention or respect

that has always made me mad
especially when i've been dealing with learning to speak up and be heard
but these days i'm like
whatever
nothing really is that important
nothing i have to say either
i mean, at the end, if you only want to be heard
is, in a way, still look for that sense of validation, right?

well, i want to adopt a more
whatever, man, woman attitude

i'm learning to see the beauty in me and around me
i have myself even if no one is paying attention to what i say
i am
and i can do the same with the people around me
or something

hey

to continue to do the right things, you'll need to get outside yourself and experience the world for what it is, not for what you wish it was
only then can you discover what truly matters to you on a core level

-the exploration process as a tool for growth being an infp

(start asking questions, pushing buttons around you, try new food, mess with the environment around you, get out of your comfort zone)

no-action

The Tao is transcendental - it is the absolute value fundamental to relative existence (to the ten thousand things). It is unchanging, permanent, featureless, unbounded, unmanifest. At the same time, it is the basis of change, impermanence, attributes, and manifest existence. It's like a still ocean from
which all the activity of the waves arise and return.

-

If you throw a baseball, there is a certain extent to which you have to stop trying to throw it and just let it happen. Your mind decides on a target, and then your body takes over and manages the complicated process of moving all your muscles so that the ball flies off in the correct direction. If your mind tries to think about and control what your body is doing during the throw, it will simply get in the way and mess things up. You have to do it without 'doing' it in the mental sense of acting.

This is true of most things in the world. If you want to ask someone out on a date, you'll do better if you just set the intention and let it happen than if you try to plan out and control the discussion; the first feels warm and natural, the second stilted and odd. If you want to get elected mayor you'll do better to set the intention and allow the wave of public action carry you where it will than if you try to control the way people think. If you want to solve a problem, it is often best to stop thinking about it; let the problem percolate in your brain without conscious thought, and sooner or later you'll get an intuition or inspiration that will set you in the right direction.

-

Non-action is turning thoughts into things. It is the process of creation that transforms thought energy into physical reality. This takes active thinking, intelligence, envisioning and feeling of joy, abundance, and purpose.

Laziness is on the other end of the energy spectrum. It is a state of apathy and purposeless. Lifeforce ceases to flow. It is a living-dead feeling.

People in the non-action mode appears peaceful, joyful and wise. They only take inspired-action when the time is right. Things may appear magically or effortlessly working for them all the time.

People in the laziness mode appears lack of energy and unhappy. They have no motivation to do anything. They might be forced to do something merely to survive, which will be a painful and hard-working experience.

source

quora

c

infp

They often find themselves most inspired when working on their own personal projects, which allow them to pursue their own interests with full freedom and authenticity.

(...)

Through this process of world exploration (which is equally, if not more, about self-exploration) many INFPs will either modify or part ways with the religious and political views they were raised with.

(...)

The liberal and explorative ways of Ne are checked and countered by INFPs’ tertiary Si and inferior Te, which urge them to “be responsible” and follow a more traditional path. INFPs who heed this prompting will function more conventionally (e.g., finish their degree, get a job, get married, etc.) and may look less like seekers. They may, however, be more disposed to a mid-life identity crisis if they conclude that the path they chose was not authentically their own.

(...)

When operating receptively, Ne prompts INFPs to gather information. It scans for new patterns, associations, and possibilities. INFPs commonly exercise this side of their Ne through activities such as reading, research, entertainment, and conversation with others.

In engaging with others, INFPs enjoy asking probing questions. They find it interesting to explore the unique qualities of every individual, as well as the life story that explains or gives context to those characteristics. 

f

With Venus in the 12th house, there are possibilities of offering voluntary work in institutions, as the house is also governing all places of confinement. With Venus placed there, the volunteering will be done with happiness and care and the native will enjoy it. As Venus is a quick moving planet, this would rather be a short-time occupation, lasting usually a semester before it appears again as a pattern. The placement could also signify spending some time with a dear person that has a sickness or difficulties in taking care of his own self, and usually also does not last longer than some months.

...Copyright (©) https://theastrocodex.com - Read more at https://theastrocodex.com/natal-venus-in-the-12th-house/

h

b

b

v

but it doesn’t

b

diary

i should be open-minded and close-mouthed

v

c

knoweing

i think when talking about relationships, i often hear that you can’t meet the other if you haven’t met yourself-or, in other words, that you can’t love them if you can’t love yourself-

but in my experience, i have met myself -key aspects of myself- while in a relationship with other

true, i think healthy relationships might rely on two individuals who have met themselves first -as much as they could- and that they have learned to love themselves 

but i still hold true that your relationship with others helps you broaden your views and that it ignites change and sheds some light on things about yourself that you might have not discovered if not through interaction 

that’s what i think these days, anyway

h

b

v

f

b

b

g

v

b

b

h

b

the loner wolf:

When we take the insults and the moods of other people personally, we blame ourselves. We think that somehow we’re responsible, even deserve their abuse, but we’re not and we don’t.

To overcome the dilemma of taking things personally, try looking beyond your feelings. Use your ability to analyze instead and think to yourself, “I wonder what type of pain this person is suffering to treat me that way?” For example, perhaps they had a really bad day? Perhaps they’re going through a divorce? Perhaps they got triggered? Perhaps they had bad sleep?

When we ask these “why?” questions, we go beyond the initial sting of being mistreated and realize that ultimately, how people treat us is a reflection of them, not us. As Don Miguel Ruiz says, “nothing other people do is because of you.”

b

c

h

v

h

f

b

b

h

c

g

h

h

f

b

v

g

f

b

b 

f

c

"you feel alone (...) and that loneliness is to force us to seek the meaning of life, because if you didn't feel pain and suffering, you wouldn't ask why am I here"

sun in the XII (source)

relati

offpships

h

f

g

g

b

g

h

v

h

f

h

g

b

b

Their personality is pretty much hidden, even from themselves.

They tend to try on different personas.

They don't have a good sense of self.

(more sun in the 12th house)

((source))

h

g

g

v

h

g

source