dear benton,

"life is not when i'm alone", is something i wrote in a notebook last year

i like being alone
and i need it sometimes too -given that most of my daily interactions end up draining me because sincerity is not my strong suit - i am a huge people pleaser, but truth is not many people please me (taste-wise; i'm a snobbb)

but something interesting happens to me when i'm with someone i resonate with: i become the best version of myself in many ways- i'm selfless, i'm caring, i'm affectionate, i'm open to try new things, i'm confident, i allow myself to be bizarre and weird (if there's some level of unconditionallity), i see the world in bright colors

it's fucking interesting
it's like suddenly things are charged with meaning

i'm working on myself these days, i don't want to hurt people, and i want first and foremost to learn and take proper care of myself
but all that starts by understanding keys pieces of the puzzle, and for me, that is one of those

my longing for companionship -a deep connection- is something that might be engraved within my soul

it's cool to accept it, and also understand how its negative aspect has impacted my life (and the lives of others)